How Rude!

Sometimes I wonder why guys can be so degrading. They look at girls like they're a piece of meat. I found out that guys are very fond of yoga pants. How I found this out is that I am a strong believer in yoga pants so therefore I wear them often. When you get texts in the middle of the day saying, "HOLY YOGA PANTS!" that's when you know that guys are staring at your ass. No, I do not wear them just so I can have some creepy as little boy stare at my butt in the hallways. Sure it can be flattering at times coming from the right person but when it's someone that you have never spoken to before in your life that points it out, then it's kinda weird. Just the other day I was hanging out with a boy and we were laying down watching a movie and he kept grabbing my ass. I didn't want to be rude but I do have some respect for myself so I turned around and shook my head in disappointment. I just personally feel like that is so disrespectful and it makes me kind of feel self concious. Like what if it's not toned enough for him or what if it's not round enough. Anyways it doesn't really matter. I don't really understand the fascination with girls asses. If you actually see a bare butt I personally think it's not attractive at all. If I had a nickel for everytime I caught a guy staring at mine or my friend's ass I would be a billionaire. I guess it's really not that big of a deal but sometimes it just gets kinda creepy and disrespectful. I don't want to be known for my back side. I want to be known as a nice girl with a good personality. Is that so much to ask? I'm not saying that toned butt isn't important because I definitely think it is. I wear my mom's tone ups when I go running and walking sometimes because I want it to be more toned but it's just that I think boys base their opinions about girls too much on how hot they think their body is or how easy they think she is. Good for you if you have a girlfriend with a nice ass but good luck trying to have an intellectual conversation with her when all you're constantly thinking about is seeing her naked. I'm sure it'll be fun for a couple months but after that you'll get bored and move on to some other "fine piece of ass."

I Can't Take this Anymore!

There are so many emotions that come along with this week. I'm happy that i'm finally a senior, but it's sad knowing that everything is going to be over soon. I want to get away from all the drama that comes along with highschool. I've never felt more depressed than ever. I've never felt so singled out and alone. I've come to realize that I only have one real friend. I lay awake at night shaking  sobbing. I've come to realize that the boys at my school are almost all assholes. They want one thing and expect me to just hand it over. No! That's the real reason why all this sadness overcomes me. I look around my room and think of ways to end this feeling. I see hooks on my ceiling, the top of my closet seems pretty supportive.. I don't really know why. this isn't like me. I don't want to be that girl. The one that people worry about. But then I think more about it and it seems like I won't be missed. I roll around on my matress and just put my face in my pillow. I cry so hard and just hug my pillow tighter. It's too late to call my friend. I don't want to be a bother. why should I make my life someone elses problems. I don't want pity from people, I just want real people to surround me. I'm tired of being hated for one mistake i made. I want everyone to forget that incident and most importantly me. I want to get away and never see anyone from Sterling, Illinois again. I want a clean slate. I want to start over. Right now, I feel more selfish than ever. I want, I want I want.. but maybe i need to be selfish because if no one else cares then why shouldn't i be?

I'm My Biggest Critic

I'm constantly criticizing everything I do. It's like I'm not good enough for anyone or anything I do. Someone is always better than me at something. I'm never the best. I always feel so self concious. It's like someone is always judging me. I'm worried that there are people that are more worried with my life than I am. It isn't fair. I don't do anything to deserve this harshness from myself or any one else. I constantly let people walk all over me. I just want to please others and put my happiness aside. While everyone is judging me and starting rumors or spreading secrets, they don't stop to think that I  might be hurt by everything they are saying. I'm infamous for being a "slut." Some people exaggerate things and others just need to mind their own business. What I do with my life should not concern anyone else. I'm harder on myself because sometimes I feel like I have to be to live up to others expectations. People overlook the good in me and only seem to notice my flaws. I know, I'm just like any other teenage girl. Waaa, my life is just so terrible, right? Well sometimes it feels like it is.